When Angel lifted her hand to his mouth to kiss her fingers, Fred returned his smile. She always loved when he did things like that with her. It made her feel special and loved, and it made her feel like everything would be all right between them in the end. She wanted it to be, even though it was taking some time to adjust.
To learn to live with the demon inside her.
When he mentioned getting something to eat...drink, she nodded, realizing that she was actually feeling a bit hungry. It wasn't the same hunger that would have driven her to find something from the fridge to nibble on or that made her crave tacos. It was a deep down hunger, one that made it feel like nothing would ever satiate the demon.
"I think that would be a good idea," she said, not knowing what they were going to find when they got into the city. She didn't want to end up letting Angel down because they ended up in the middle of something when they got there and she wasn't strong enough.
Looking out the car window again, she kept a look out for a place where they could probably safely stop and find something. The demon was whipsering, saying that it didn't matter where they stopped - there were humans everywhere they could feed on - but she ignored it, knowing that she would never and could never do that. She had been sharing in the pig's blood that Angel got from the butcher in L.A., and while the demon despised it, it got rid of her hunger.
"Maybe an all-night grocery store?" she suggested. "We could get some raw meat or something since I doubt there's a butcher open this time of night."
Angel nodded. "I'm sure there's a place," he said. They didn't go to all-night groceries stores a lot. The last time they'd been at one was when Fred was still a human. She couldn't sleep one night so they walked to the local one and Angel had gotten her some ice cream. They wouldn't be buying ice cream this time. Angel knew they would never buy simple things like that again because he had ruined it by being selfish.
The car traveled over a hill of one of the smaller suburbs. There was a grocery store and its lights were still on. "I think this will be our safest bet," he said, pulling the car into the parking lot. He killed the engine and waited for Fred to follow him out of the car. Taking her hand, he walked into the store with her.
There wasn't a lot of people in there and Angel led Fred down one of the aisles, his hand tightening around hers. The steady sound of heartbeats could be heard and Angel didn't want the demon to tempt Fred into doing something she didn't want to do. When they got to the meat counter, Angel picked out a couple of steaks and some pork.
"The contact Gwen told me to call, will only see us with an appointment so maybe we can get these and then find a room? I think I saw a motel in the distance." He adjusted the meat in his hands. "Do you want anything else, Fred?"
When they walked into the grocery store, Fred was glad that Angel was there, holding her hand. She could feel that tug, telling her to forget the meat and go for the fresh blood. Even though the idea sickened her more than she could ever put into words, the temptation was still there. Angel's presence was actually comforting - she wondered if it was because she loved him or because he was her Sire and in a way the demon inside her was bound to obey even him.
When they reached the meat counter, Fred could smell the blood from the raw meat, and felt the hunger spike a bit. As Angel picked up some packages, letting go of her hand so he could, she fisted her hand tightly, telling herself that she could keep control. She would not let the demon manipulate her; she would not let it win. She was still Fred, and even though she was different now, she still had a soul. She was still good. She had to remind herself of that.
"Finding a room sounds like a good idea," she told him, thinking that if they needed an appointment, it would be best to find somewhere to rest. She shook her head, though, when he asked if she wanted anything else.
Together, they walked to the front of the store to pay for the meat, and as they did, Fred looked around, feeling like they were being stared at by the other people in there. It was silly, she knew, especially since there weren't that many people, and at this time of night, they probably didn't care about anything other than getting what they needed and getting home, but she couldn't help it. She supposed part of it was left over by what had happened at the hotel, and the way Cordy, Doyle and Gunn had all started treating her.
As the cashier bagged the meat after they paid for it, Fred found herself clinging to Angel as they walked out of the store, taking comfort from his presence again. The motel definitely sounded like a good idea now.
Angel could tell Fred was waging a battle against her demon. He could smell her fear and he held her hand tighter as they walked back to the front with their meat. He didn’t release her hand when he pulled out some money to pay for everything, and when they walked out, Angel slipped his arm around him and held her tightly as they walked to his car.
Once they were inside, he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m sorry,” he said, knowing she would know what he was apologizing for. Angel would always be sorry for what he’d done, especially when he knew Fred was afraid. “It’ll be okay. I promise, Fred.”
The motel came into view and Angel pulled up to the office. He softly kissed Fred and moved out of the car to go inside. He got a room, and came back out to park the car in front of it. Once they were there, he got out and helped Fred out before taking her and the meat inside the room.
“I’ll call Gwen’s friend in a little bit,” Angel said as he took off his duster and sat the bag on the small desk. Moving forward, he gathered Fred into his arms and held her tightly. “I’m always going to be here for you. You know that, right? No matter what happens, I’ll be here.”
While Angel went into the office to get them a room, Fred closed her eyes. She could smell the blood in the raw meat and found she desperately wanted to eat, but at the same time, she knew she needed to wait until Angel had returned - both because he was her Sire and because it was polite. It was still a bit strange, the fact that Angel was her love and her Sire. It made their relationship so much more complicated than it had been before.
And by focusing on Angel, she found it easier to ignore the demon when it told her to do things. Maybe because it recognized what he was to her.
She opened her when the door opened again, and Angel drove them back to the room. Once they were inside, she stood there for a moment before taking her jacket off before he pulled her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his chest.
"I know," she whispered. If nothing else, the one thing she was completely certain about in all this was the fact that Angel would never leave her...and that she would always love him. Raising her head, she looked up into his eyes. "Sometimes, I wonder how you managed for so long - having the demon inside you, always trying to make you do things that you don't want, but making it sound so tempting - but...when I'm with you, I'm finding that...it's easier. I can believe that it will be okay, like you promised."
Leaning up, she kissed him, softly at first then more deeply for several moments. Finally, though, she broke away, not because she needed air but because she could feel her hunger building.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes ticking over to the bag before looking back at him. "But I'm hungry."
Since Fred was his Childe, Angel could tell when she was fighting her inner demon. Her body language changed, as did the tone of her voice. He could almost taste her fear, and if he had a heart, it would break every time she felt that way.
He wanted to continue to hold her but it was obvious she needed to eat. Angel was feeling hungry also so he slowly released her and went over to the bag. He picked it up and led Fred over to the bed. There was a time when he didn't like eating in front of others. Cordy had always teased him about it, but now things were different. Fred and he shared this now.
Taking the packages out, he handed her two of the steaks and two of the pork chops. It was enough blood to hold her until they could find a butcher the following day. If she got hungry before then, he would allow her to feed from him. It was the way it was - a Sire was always to take care of his Childe.
Angel tore the packages off the meat and pulled a piece out. He slid into his vamp face and pierced it with his fangs. He slowly sucked the blood out before moving to the next piece. When he finished with his meal, he waited for Fred and then took the meat from her. "I just throw this away outside so it doesn't start to smell. I'll be back," he said.
He left the room and when he returned, he went over to her. "Are you feeling better? If you're still hungry, you can feed from me," Angel said as he stroked his fingers through her hair.
Sitting down on the bed with Angel, Fred took the steaks and pork chops from him. Her hunger was strong, and the smell of the blood in the meat was almost overwhelming, so she quickly opened the packages. She didn't even think about vamping out - she just did and, within moments, had sunk her fangs into the meat to drink. The blood slowly began to satiate her hunger, quieting the demon.
She drank until the four pieces of meat where drained dry and gave what was left to Angel. While he left the room, she closed her eyes, concentrating for a moment to get her face to return to normal. While it was simple matter for her to vamp out, returning had been a bit more problematic, but she was learning, and it was getting easier.
Opening her eyes again, she looked up Angel as he came back into the room and crossed back to her. She found herself leaning into his touch. "I'm better," she told him softly.
She reached up and took his other hand, kissing the inside of his wrist. "Thank you for taking care of me. It's...it's getting easier," she told him. "Sometimes, I get so scared, though, that I'm going to do something bad."
She paused for a moment. "After...after you call Gwen's friend and set up the appointment, would you lay with me and hold me?"
"Fred," Angel whispered as he crouched before her. He took her hands into his and recalled a time when they had been warm. Fred had been his sunshine, full of life and so bright. Now she was like him because he had been selfish. And now she was suffering because he didn't want to live his undead life alone. Maybe the gypsy were right when they cursed his soul years ago.
"I know this is hard for you, but I'm always going to be here for you. Not only as a Sire but as your lover and best friend." His forehead wrinkled and then he gave her a small smile. "And that last part was bad. But you know what I mean." Leaning up, he softly captured her lips in a deep kiss. He could kiss her forever, but he also needed to make the phone call.
Breaking the kiss, he fished the phone number out of the pocket of his jeans and picked up the phone. Bobby, Gwen's friend, agreed to meet them the following night at a local park. Once Angel had the directions, he hung up the phone and looked at Fred. "He's going to meet us tomorrow night after sundown," he said before setting the piece of paper down on the bedside table.
He kicked off his boots and pulled Fred against him before lying down on the bed. He slowly brushed his fingers through her hair as he held her tightly against him. "I love you, Fred, and I always will. For eternity," he whispered in her ear.
Looking into Angel's eyes, Fred opened her mouth to tell him that she knew he would always be there, and for that, she was glad. No matter what had happened, she couldn't imagine her life without him in it. But before she could, he was kissing her, and she felt herself relaxing. She had always loved the way kissing him, being with him, made her feel - and that was something that hadn't changed even though ever else had. Reaching up, she ran her hand up his collarbone and moved closer to him.
When they finally broke apart, she shifted slightly and leaned down to take her shoes off. While Angel spoke to Bobby, she drew her legs up in front of her, wrapping her arms around them and waiting. For the first time in a while, the demon was actually quiet.
Tomorrow night, Angel told her when he hung up the phone. Nodding, she let him draw her down onto the bed and snuggled against him, closing her eyes. When he whispered to her, she felt herself melt at his words. Suddenly, the idea of eternity didn't seem so scary. Not when he was going to be there. Raising her head, she looked at him, giving him a smile.
"I love you too," she told him, reaching up to caress his face. "That's never changed and never will. There's no one I'd rather be with for all time."
At Fred's words, Angel smiled. He would never tire of being with her, and he knew eventually she'd get used to her new life...undead life. It was just going to take some time but she'd came so far since he'd turned her. Her progress made his inner Sire proud and it wanted to reward her for it. And, Angel needed to pleasure and feel her tremble in his arms.
He nudged her onto her back and started to caress her through her clothes. His hand cupped her breasts and he rubbed her nipples through her shirt until they hardened. Then, one of his hands moved down her body and slipped between her legs. His palm pressed the material of her jeans and panties against her clit for friction and he started to rub her.
His fangs retracted and he ran them over her slender neck. Blood trickle down and he eagerly lapped it up as he moved his hand up and unsnapped her jeans. Angel slipped his hand into her jeans and found her clit. Roughly rubbing it, he licked the rest of the blood up before moving his mouth to her ear.
"Come for me, Fred," he whispered as he ran a fang under her ear, which caused more blood to slip down her skin and onto his tongue.
When Angel gently pushed her, Fred settled onto her back, looking up at him, gasping softly when he began touching her. She had once thought that being a vampire would have made it harder to feel things because there was no blood flowing through the body. She was finding that wasn't the case - in a way, it seemed like she was feeling everything more acutely, possibly because of her heightened senses, she didn't know. All she knew was what she was feeling, and what Angel was making her feeling.
As she bucked her hip up against Angel's hand, the need for more building inside her, she cried out softly when his fangs pierced her skin. It was intensely erotic, having him taste her like that, knowing that no one else could, knowing that he'd never allow it. Angel was her Sire - she was his and his only. As a human, she had hated being considered someone else's, but with Angel, it was different. Belonging to him, even with everything that had happened, seemed right. It had been what had drawn her out of the room finally, knowing that she was his, knowing that he loved her.
Angel pushed his hand into her pants, and Fred felt herself tensing as he rubbed her, sensations sparking through her, need becoming overwhelming. She could smell her borrowed blood and feel everything inside her body becoming more and more aroused and tight until finally, when he told her come, she did, crying out as she spasmed against his hand.
When she opened her eyes, she looked up into his, still shuddering slightly.